


To Fall Apart

by Auddydamn



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Voldemort Wins, Angst, Durmstrang, Harry Potter Goes to a Different School, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Magically Powerful Harry Potter, Manipulative Tom Riddle, Obsessive Tom Riddle, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:48:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28060428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Auddydamn/pseuds/Auddydamn
Summary: Harry was a very happy child, surrounded by a loving and supportive family as he was. That all changed when he started school at Hogwarts, and everything slowly started to crash around him. He transferred to Durmstrang after a horrifying end to his first year and believed everything was behind him.That is until the Triwizard Tournament is reinstated.Now Harry has to go back to the school that is the source of his trauma and face his demons. However, it seems there are more dangerous things than memories waiting for him in the shadows at Hogwarts.Who is this new Professor Riddle? And why does he seem so obsessed with Harry?
Relationships: Harry Potter/Tom Riddle | Voldemort, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 58





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I've always wanted to write a Harry/Tom store in an alternate universe, so I decided to try.

The silence was most likely what led to Harry's current state.

All of his life, there had always been noise surrounding him. If there were no noise, Harry would fill the silence himself by either seeking company or calling on his magic. Even his mind couldn’t seem to shut up. Every day, it was like a battle to stop the constant overthinking, observations, and errant thoughts that seemed to occupy most of his mind. Perhaps that’s why occlumency never worked for him, a skill that probably would have saved him in this situation.

Unlike what most say when they can feel their life fading, there was no overwhelming relief that the pain was finally going to stop. For Harry, he grew numb to that quite a while ago. He grew numb to most things.

It was like watching a movie with the sound off and a film over the eyes.

Of course, one of those had to do with his glasses being taken and the curtains shielding his view.

Harry took his eyes off the light show outside his door and instead looked around the room, then toward the ceiling. On the way up, his eyes caught a glimpse of the chains holding him to the bed. Perhaps he should have screamed and fought, but he was just so tired lately. It didn’t seem worth it to waste the energy he had left, as it wouldn’t make a difference anyway. He knew these chains intimately, and no amount of fighting would wear them down.

His eyes continued their journey up, past the magnificently crafted headboard where a garden scene with dancing fairies spanned the entire thing. Past the empty wall and up the canopy of the bed. Past the objectively beautiful sheer green curtains that encased his mattress, trapping him further in this cage. Eventually, his eyes found the top of the canopy which held a giant mirror where a pair of vacant eyes sat staring back at him.

Eyes the same color as the curtains because _the green of the curtain would complement his eyes so well._

Hair that was trailing down to the elbows and twined around the body because _you look like a doll with long hair._

The blanket that hides the bottom half from view, black as midnight because _alabaster skin looks striking against black._

A body that was nearing starvation, bones sticking out at every angle because _food was a reward and he’s an awfully naughty boy._

Skin that Harry knew used to be tan once, eyes that used to shine with laughter in a faraway memory. Hair that used to be wild and free, trying to be styled like a certain crazy godfather’. A body that used to be filled out with lithe muscles from years of quidditch and dueling practice.

This new body staring back at him made a truly terrible trophy. It was such an ugly little thing.

Harry’s concentration broke, and he slowly dragged his gaze back to the outline of the door, the curtains obscuring his view. The door was violently flung open, and Harry assumed it made a hole in the wall from the force.

How rude.

He blinked lazily and flitted his eyes back from the wall to the figure now filling up the doorway. Their robes made them seem formless, but Harry could see a head and an arm out to the side, a wand poised, ready to attack. However, they would find no opponent here.

The figure quickly advanced on the bed, and using the same force that was used on the door, ripped the curtains from their post.

The poor house elves will have a lot to clean up after this.

And then green clashed with bottomless black.

A slow smile split across Harry’s face, his lips cracking and starting to bleed. His head tilted to the side as he continued to hold eye contact. His throat was dry, but he was still able to let out a breathy chuckle.

“It’s impolite to stare.”

A flash of green lit up the room.


	2. The One Locked in the Closet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to split this chapter into two because I kept adding, so we will have one more chapter of Harry around age 8 and then we will jump to age 11.
> 
> Enjoy!

Age 8

"Lumos."

The boy's eyes were clenched tightly together, his hands even more so. He sat in a small closet, the smell of old paper and coffee assaulting his nose. After the first couple of minutes, he didn't even notice. All of his attention and energy was focused on his clasped hands, his whole body leaning over them. To a viewer, it might seem like the little boy was more constipated than anything. His face all scrunched up and red as it was.

"Lumos"

The second time the muttered word sounded more like a plea than a spell. Still, one could admire the dedication with which the boy was practicing. The sweat was slowly dripping down his face and onto the collar of his dress robes. His mom would be a little miffed, but he didn't even notice at this moment.

"Lumos!"

This time it was almost a scream, as much as a whisper could be. His entire body was tense and nearly vibrating with energy. But it was not meant to be. The closet stayed pitch black, and the boy continued to shake. 

Cracking his eyes open, he took a peek at his hands and let out as much as a world-weary sigh a eight-year old could. He was disappointed that he couldn't manage to bring a little light to this closet. At least then it would make it less frightening. But he could do this! He was a big boy, and the dark would not be his downfall.

However, he could do without the scratching noises. Thank you very much.

With a tiny 'eep!' he looked back down at his hands and wished once again that light would appear. He could see it, soft glowing light to ward off the dark. It would be warm and all-encompassing, similar to a hug from his mother, squeezing him from all sides. It would fill the space around him and keep away the monsters. This little light would be his happiness in this closet that he feared he would never leave. He could even feel it now, hugging him from all sides and pushing away the chill that had started to invade his body. He didn't realize he had shut his eyes again, trying to imagine the light, and so he opened them again. Avada Kedavra green eyes widened in shock as he took in the transformed closet around him. 

Surrounding him was a bright warm yellow light that was slowly sinking some comfort back into his bones. It illuminated everything around him in a beautiful display of lights, making him smile with glee. In response to his emotions, the light started to vibrate, slowly swirling around him. 

The little boy watched on memorized as the lights started to form shapes. They were loose abstract things, but they were dancingfor the boy. All around him, the warm yellow light took forms and began to speed up; some would quickly come up to his face and brush it, then runway in a crude form tag. The magic around him seemed _alive._ His eyes started to glow, reflecting the life and vibrancy the lights were giving off. 

It was the delighted giggling that brought Albus Dumbledore to the closet. 

His long silver beard was tucked loosely into the belt of his grand gold and orange robes, with little pumpkins and skeletons charmed to dance all over. He made quite the picture, standing in the middle of the breakroom for low-level ministry employees, with his robes literally lighting up the room. 

However, as he tilted his head, he noticed that he was not the only light shining bright in this dark room. There was a door emitting a soft pulsating light at the back of the room, which he could assume was where the supply closet was situated. And if one was quite enough, you could hear a child's laughter behind the door.

And no, need I remind you, this was not a horror movie scene.

Maneuvering around all the couches and tables, Albus made his way over to the door. As he got closer, he noticed the most peculiar thing. Blocking the door was a chair, shoved underneath the handle to block someone's entrance. Or, it would seem, in this case, from someone leaving.

With a gentle flick of his wand, the chair was deposited to the side. With another flick, the door opened, and Albus was greeted to a truly dazzling sight. 

In the middle of the closet sat a little boy, no older than ten, giggling. It wasn't that which surprised Albus, but the wonderful display of lights surrounding the boy. It was tangible enough to touch and it felt alive. It was like it was a breathing being, as it swirled around the boy and spun its’ way through his hair. The interaction was something akin to a puppy trying to please its owner. And it reacted like a loyal puppy would when it thought Albus to be a threat to its little master.

It struck hard and fast, pushing him out of the doorway and forcing him to land on his butt a few feet away. It seems he had been caught off guard, which he can safely say hasn't happened in quite a while. Color him impressed. 

He hears a little gasp, and then there is a little cherubic face with glowing green eyes standing over him. The little boy starts to twist his hands anxiously and chew his lip in worry, tears pooling up but refusing to spill over. The boy quickly squats down and lets his hands hover over Albus, afraid to touch lest he hurt him more.

"I'm so so sorry, mister! My light was just so excited, and it didn't mean to hurt you. Honestly, it didn't!" The boy starts fretting, rambling on with apologies, "I swear, it didn't mean to knock you over, it-it was just scared! I promise! It didn't hurt you, did it?"

With a chuckle, Albus set to soothing the child's worries. "Don't worry, my boy; I'm not as frail as I look!" The boy looked very doubtful of that statement. 

"But you're old. All old people get hurt easily," was the indigent reply, the boy crossing his arms and nodding his head. That startled a real laugh out of Albus. Leave it to children to say it as they see it, brutal honesty at its finest.

"How right you are, my boy!" Albus decided to concede. "Would you mind helping this frail old man up? My knees aren't what they used to be I'm afraid."

The boy scrambled to do as asked, obviously still feeling very guilty over what lead to this series of events. He put his hands under Albus's elbow, straightened his legs, and then heaved with all his might. Who was Albus to deny to boy's efforts? With the boy's 'help,' he was able to get back on to his feet. After dusting off his robes and patting his bottom to make sure no actual damage was done, he turned to the boy beside him. 

"Splendid job! Thank you for the help, my boy!" Albus said. "I believe I have a lemon drop somewhere in my pockets for the trouble."

The boy was quick to cry out, "But mister, I knocked you over in the first place! I don't deserve candy for that." 

"That may be, but I believe it's the intention, and the actions after that should truly be looked at!" Albus found the lemon drop and pulled it out of his pocket with an 'Ah-Ha!' of success. "We should always look for the good in others, don't you think? Besides, I at most got a bruise on my bottom."

Here the boy paused. He scrunched up his nose a little and furrowed his brow, thinking hard. Then after a moment's pause, his face cleared, and a grin took its place.

"I've never thought of it that way! You're a very wise Oldman, you know?" said the boy. "Maybe I should tell that to my Mom when I get in trouble…" this last part was mumble under the breath.

Albus handed over the lemon drop, and it was promptly unwrapped and shoved into the boy's mouth.

Now that the drama was over, Albus was able to get a proper look at him. Wild black hair that was thick with a product trying to tame it, bursting free from its confines. A small little face with a dusting of barley there freckles covering the nose and tan skin from sun exposure. Round-wire glasses were sitting on the perch of a tiny nose in the middle of a balancing act trying to stay on. And behind those glasses were enchanting green eyes, almost glowing in the dark room. 

Albus thought he might know who this boy was, with that untamable hair and wide, green eyes. Still, he thought it best to ask instead of assuming. 

"May I ask for my helper’s name?"

"Ah, how rude of me! I'm so glad Mom isn't here to scold me," here the boys cheeks pinked in embarrassment. Then his back straightened, and he did a little bow at the waist. "Heir Harry Potter, of the Ancient and Most Noble House of Potter." All of this was said as while bobbing his head along, trying to remember the right way to say it.

"My dad just taught me that last night for this boring party!" The boy snapped back up and puffed out his chest, then trailed off while deflating a little. "I hope I did it right…" he scratched his head and tilted it to the side.

"Very nice to meet you, Mr. Potter; I am Hogwarts Headmaster Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. You may call me Mr. Dumbledore."

Harry's mouth had popped open halfway through Albus saying his name and was still slightly ajar. However, before he could say anything, they were interrupted by the main door opening and bright light filtering into the room through wandpoint. Behind the wand was a man Albus knew, a student he had been quite fond of. 

"Harry, thank Merlin! Where have you been!?" James Potter said with relief as he rushed over to his son. “Your Mother would have my head if I lost you at a Ministry party!”

"Dad! You'll never believe what happened!" Little Harry said with an excited yell, running over to his Dad with his arms open. James was quick to bend over and scoop Harry up, shifting him so he sat perched on James’ hip. Harry gave a quick hug to his father before he began to launch into his tale.

"I was walking around the party with Uncle Padfoot, but he got distracted by the drinks being served. So, I decided I would try to make a friend like you're always telling me I should because Uncle Padfoot was busy. I saw this girl close by anyway and so went to say hi! I got over to her and had just learned her name-and her name was Anita, by the way! I thought that was such a cool name, don't you think so too, Dad?" 

Before James could interject his opinion, Harry took another deep breath and dived headfirst back into his story. "But as I was talking to her, these two mean boys came over and started taunting her. They kept calling her the m-word Dad! The m-word!" Here, Harry started to use his hands and wave them about to emphasize his outrage. This forced James to wrap both of his arms more securely around Harry to make sure he didn't fall. 

"When I told them to stop being mean, they turned to me and started making fun of me! Saying I was an M-word lover and well-um…well Mommy says never to use your fist to talk, but I had to Daddy! They pushed Anita over, and that wasn't right!" He finished with a huff, crossing his arms and scowling, daring his Dad to disagree.

"Well, Harry, I think you did great! It's always good to stand up for what's right." James said with a smile at Harry. "However, Mommy might not think the same, so how about this stays just our little secret, huh?" James finished with a wink before pausing. 

"Hold on, that doesn't explain how you ended up here!"

At this, Harry gains a sheepish look and breaks eye contact. "Oh, about that. You see, there were two of them, and they were quite a bit bigger than me,” he looked into his Dads eyes, imploring him to believe his story. “So after I stomped on one's foot and punched the other, they drug me off away from the party. They covered my mouth to stop me from screaming, and once they found this room, they shoved me in the closet and locked me in!"

By this point Harry was a little red in anger from remembering the memory; also because he had yet to take any depth breaths between sentences.

"Then Mr. Dumbley-door came and saved me!" He finished with a flourish, stretching both arms out to gesture at Albus, who had been standing listening to the whole tale and gave a little wave at the introduction.

“Ah! Headmaster Dumbledore, I didn’t even see you there,” James said as he flushed in embarrassment. He was an Auror for Merlin’s sake, Moody would yell his ear off for being so unaware of his surroundings.

“Not a problem James! I haven’t seen you in ages how have you been?”

“Good, good. This little guy here is always keeping me on my toes,” and about to give me grey hairs in my twenties is the thought that went unsaid.

“And what about the lovely Lily, how is she?”

“She actually just returned to work after an incident, but she is doing much better now!” Here James' face slowly drained of color, with a look of horror soon taking over. “Speaking of Lily, I left her to the sharks- I mean other ladies. I’m terribly sorry professor, but I must go or she’ll have my head soon!”

Albus smiled while shaking his head, “No problem my boy! I should be getting back to the party myself.”

As James was rushing out the door he threw over his shoulder an invitation. “Do come over sometime for tea, I’m sure Lily would love to catch up with you!” Harry, who was still being carried in his father’s arms, waved goodbye to Dumbledore. When they were almost out the door Harry thought he saw Dumbledore’s face lose its smile and something almost mean take its place. Harry squeezed his hands tighter around his Dad and then rubbed his eyes.

For a second it looked like there was a flash of blue fog surrounding Dumbledore.

Before they went back out onto the atrium floor, which had been transformed to make a pseudo ballroom that night, James put Harry down. He quickly scanned both of them, making sure their robes still looked decent and hair-well hair as good as it could be. Then, he took Harry's hand in his and walked out into the lion's den.

Hah, nothing close to the actual lion's den in Hogwarts. But some of these snakes do have a nasty bite.

James and Harry skirted around the edge of the room, stirring clear of the mass of people congregated in the center. A bunch of politicians dressed up in fancy robes, brown-nosing and gossiping. James would rather be at home drinking a firewhisky and relaxing, as was his regular Friday night routine. Lily said it would be awful if we missed the ball, though.

At least Sirius had to suffer just as much.

Soon enough, they came upon the most gorgeous sight. His beautiful Lily standing in a magnificent deep plum dress, her red hair half up and curled and shining. Her hand was covering her mouth as she laughed at her companion's words, making her green eyes actually seem like they were sparkling.

Harry gave a put-upon sigh as he glanced at his lovesick father, who had stopped in the middle of walking to gawk at his Mother. He loved his parents, but sometimes witnessing their lovey-dovey displays made him want to gag. He decided to just get it over with and started tugging his still-dazed Dad over to his Mom. She really was beautiful, he couldn't fault his father for that.

Once they reached her, Harry gave a little tug to her skirt and let go of his Dad's hand before stepping back. When his Mom sees Harry, her face lit up even brighter. She quickly bent down and placed a kiss on top of his head.

"Ah! My little Star, where have you been?" Lily said as she looked down at him, one hand on the back of his head and the other cupping his cheek.

Harry shot a quick look at his Dad, who shook his head no, before looking back at his Mom. Biting his lip, he said, "I was just trying to make friends, Mommy, and got a little lost, is all! I'm sorry."

"It's okay, honey, just don't wander too far tonight. The Ministry is dangerous to those who don't know it." Then she lifted her head and looked at his Dad, "You, however, left me to fend off the wolves alone."

"But my Lily-flower, I was off on a noble quest looking for Harry! I couldn't leave our son out, lost in the dangerous wild all alone." His Dad grinned broadly and gave his best puppy-dog eyes. Lily looked him over once and then tilted her head as if weighing his words. Then, she gave a slight nod of her head.

"Alright, since you were off being so  _ noble,  _ I'll forgive you for this transgression." Then she paused and smiled. "But you must give this lady your first dance as repayment."

Harrys almost got his eyes stuck in the back of his head from rolling them too hard.  _ Ugh, parents.  _ He watched as his Dad gave a cheeky smile and a wink before bowing at the waist and holding out an arm.

"If this lovely lady would be so kind as to dance with this poor fellow, she would make him the luckiest man in this room."

His Mom blushed a little before smile and taking his hand. However, s they were about to walk onto the dance floor, it looks like they remembered Harry was alone. "Oh, Harry, I'm so sorry. We almost walked off and left you alone, just as I reminded you to stay close."

"It's okay Mom, I can wait right here for you, I don't mind." Then a heavyweight suddenly appeared on his shoulders, almost making his knees buckles. Black hair was tickling his cheek, and black painted fingernails and a giant lordship ring could be seen in his peripheral. A low bark of laughter was heard before a loud voice started talking right next to his ear.

"Don't worry, Lily, I'll watch little Prongslet for you!" Sirius Black said.

His Mom's face went through a range of emotions before settling on unsure. "That would be nice, Sirius. I thought Remus was with you too tonight?"

"I'm not that bad, Lily! I've never lost him except for that one time at the Zoo! A little trust would be nice," Sirius chortled. "Besides, Remus had to leave because he started to feel unwell. I was coming to say goodbye, but he'll understand if I'm a little late."

His Mom hesitated a beat, "Are you sure?"

"Go, Go! I have you little Star in safe hands!" Sirius said as he ruffled Harry's hair.

Before his Mom could argue, his Dad hooked his hands around her waist and pulled her onto the dancefloor, throwing a thankful wave over his shoulder. Harry was then spun around and was greeted by his Godfather's wide grin.

"Ah, little Prongslet, give you Godfather a hug!" He pulled Harry in close and almost suffocated him with his so-called hug. But Harry couldn't bring himself to complain; they really were some of the best hugs in the world after all.

After a couple seconds, they separated, and Harry looked back up into the grinning face. "What do you say we go over to the food? I'm starving, and you're practically skin and bones!" Harry just smiled and nodded his head.

They were then off to the tables on the other side of the room filled with little finger-foods. Sirius just plowed through the crowds, most of whom had to jump out of the way lest they be run over by the excitable man. When they got to the food, Sirius' face lit up, and his grin grew a little wider.

"Nothing beats free food; it always seems to taste the best too!"

Harry does wonder sometimes if Sirius is watching him or he Sirius.

As the lord of a noble house, one would think Sirius would have impeccable manners taught to him from a young age. And he did. He just chose to ignore the lessons and stuff his face because  _ 'You aren't around forever, so enjoy every moment!'  _ Which would usually be very wise in most settings, but seeing his Godfathers chewed food is sometimes a little much.

As they were in the middle of munching away, Sirius suddenly stiffened, and his back went straight. His whole body seemed to tense, and his chewing stopped. Harry peered around Sirius and saw what he was looking at.

The Malfoys were standing on the other side.

Now, Harry didn't have a problem with the Malfoys most of the time, but their son Draco could be just a little too obnoxious and pompous sometimes. And tonight, Harry was maxed out on tiring interactions. Would his parents really blame him for abandoning his Godfather and slinking off? (Yes) But they wouldn't have to know if Harry was back before the conversation was over. Which would probably be at minimum 15 minutes.

Harry quickly walked over to the elevators that were right behind the table and jumped on at the last second as the doors were closing. It was packed full of people going merlin-knows where, but he maneuvered himself to the back and leaned against the wall. It never hurt to explore a little bit anyway, and people watching was fun. As each one got off, he made short stories about them and gave them background stories to pass the time. 

He watched as stop after stop people got off the elevator until he was the last one left. The doors opened on level 9, announcing that he was at the Department of Mysterious, and he cautiously walked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be sure to comment! Feedback is always great and I love to hear what y'all think

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone is coming from my other work, Intertwined, it's not abandoned; I am just stuck on where to go. Please be patient, and thank you for reading.


End file.
